Intimacy

a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.

For so long I have avoided this.

Avoided people.

Avoided friendships.

Avoided the intimacy that comes with it.

Fear has kept me.

I've feared losing someone I cared for.

I've feared the rejection that might occur when I try to open up.

I've feared being myself.

I’ve feared.

Depression hovers over.

My thoughts are hindered.

Feelings of hopelessness, neglect, abandonment, rejection, loneliness sets in.

It's caused me to feel

distant from others.

unacknowledged.

pushed away.

uncared for.

worthless.

I know the Love of God.

I know He’s with me.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way.

Yet I do.

I no longer want to feel this way.

Intimacy.

It's something that I'm learning to take hold of.

It's something that I'm longing for.

It's something that I'm desiring.

To be able to be myself.

To be able to feel loved.

To be able to feel acknowledged.

To be able to be close to someone.

To be able to feel cared for.

To be able to open up.

To be able to have just one friendship that isn't just a surface friendship would mean the world to me.

I believe God will place someone in my life that I will be able to call Best Friend. 

Unbreakable

I've been bound to fear for so long.

I've let it hold me back for so long. 

My dreams have been shoved back and pushed aside. 

I've felt as if i wanted to put these dreams into motion but it's been difficult to do so. 

God i want to dream again

Take me where I've never been

I want to go there

This time I’m not scared

Now I am unbreakable

It’s unmistakable

No one can touch me

Nothing can stop me

My faith is now stirring, growing and its burning. 

I'm learning to trust what i can not see. 

No longer will i try to control my life. 

I'm letting go to give you control.

Forget the fear, it’s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back and turn your dreams to dust

No longer bound by fear.

Those who said I shouldn't and that I can't are silenced.
The opinion of man is no longer a factor. 
I'm Unbreakable.

Where Was God?

Where was God when I was in the midst of screaming arguments and raging fits?

Where was God when I was beaten on the inside, shaking my fists?

Where was God when I was shoved to the back, forgotten, name called, abused and spit on?

Where was God when I cried in the rain with no shoulder to lean on?

Where was God when I looked at myself and saw nothing left?

Nothing but a shattered child a wounded heart, a soul defiled.

Rejected, forsaken, a life of misfortune

Where was God when I felt all this torture?

I frantically yelled, “God where were you in this?”

He answered me softly, Daughter I confess,

The world will beat you and batter you down. 

It will fight you until you surely breakdown.

But daughter don’t you know that I’ve been here since the beginning,

I loved you the most even while you were sinning.

I held you close, wiped the the tears from your face, 

I made you feel peace instead of disgrace

I died on the cross, I took YOUR place

I came from glory to step in your shoes

I stepped from my thrown into darkness for you, 

I took each nail with you in mind..

So that one day in me you would confide..

Each time you were hurt, with you I cried..

When you are angry, its for you that I fight

Each step you take I am holding your hand

I created you, you are the works of my hands,

I will lead you and guide you into all truth.

I’ve been here the whole time waiting for you

Allow me to take your pain and your strife,

Allow me to be savior, Deliverer and Lord of your Life!!!